FREE TO GOOD HOME
FREE! FREE! FREE! SO FREE! TRULY FREE!
When I sold my first engagement ring, the jeweler who agreed to buy it back said: “We always tell people after they divorce — the ring didn’t do anything.” What jewelers should tell people before they marry is that jewelry is a lousy investment and you’re lucky to get 30 cents on the dollar, but I digress. I have a big beautiful table sitting in a small apartment in New York City and I really would like to find it a home. The table didn’t do anything, but it has an interesting history. Teleplays and books have been written at this table! Good ones! Custom-made, it is 10 years old and in excellent shape. Beautiful, solid, and well-crafted.
We think it comes apart somehow. After all, if it got into the apartment, there must be a way to get it out of the apartment. Also, there are chairs, lovely stacking chairs, eight in all.
This is good stuff, but the problem is: NYC is awash in good office furniture. We can’t find a single charity that will take this as a donation. And while I will, if necessary, pay for someone to haul it away, the sheer waste of this depresses me. That said, the apartment, which served ably and well as an office for 10 years (20013 through 2022) has to become an apartment again.
I thought about writing a Modern Love column about this table, but a good friend who knows that genre as well as anyone said she couldn’t see it and — she was right. There’s no story here. It’s just a piece of furniture that I hate to see go to waste.
It’s big and heavy and will probably require professional movers because the building has strict rules about such things.
It’s in New York City and if you want it to be anywhere else, that’s on you. I can be persuaded to pay the people who take it out of the building and put it onto a truck, but that’s the best I can do.
The table does not guarantee that you will produce award-winning teleplays or best-selling books — but you might, especially if you take at least some of the chairs, which have had insanely talented butts in them. The names I could drop!
I will probably beg you to take that big New York poster that you can see part of in the first photograph. It’s nice, it’s beautifully framed, but the apartment is, frankly, going to be a lot GIRLIER.
Serious inquiries only please to email@example.com.
Feel free to ask me questions in the comments. ABOUT THE TABLE.