I am three people. I think I first articulated this concept in the comments section at Anne Helen Peterson’s actually successful Substack, Culture Studies, but I retain copyright. Anyway, I am three people; I contain multitudes.
I am the mother of a 13-year-old and it’s grand. No, seriously. It is grand and it is the most vital thing I do right now. And, by the way, while we’re here, I have a particular hatred of anyone who says to a parent “Oh wait until X that’s hell.” DON’T SAY THAT TO PARENTS. Even if it’s your truth.
I am a writer. Oh my, are’t We full of Ourselves. But the fact is, I have made a living from writing for 41 years and it would be 42 years but I waitressed part-time during the first six months I was a reporter at the Waco Tribune-Herald. I write stuff. It pays my bills. I’m proud of that.
I am an Old Lady. Hold your disagreements. (Damn, I was hoping for some disagreements.) (Nobody, really? Fuck y’all.)
When I say I’m an Old Lady, I am referring to legal, biological, and cultural constructs. Next month, I qualify for Medicare, to which I say — YAY, as this is so uncannily calibrated with my divorce that I don’t think I will require even a single month on COBRA. The only downside to this are the endless bot calls that begin “Hi, I am Anna” — or Evelyn, or Sarah, or Beth — “do you want to talk about your elderly benefits?” I do not.
Biological — well, I am not going to pay for a test to learn my biological age. However, I just had my annual physical (yes, that’s a very privileged thing to have) and all the instruments agree, I am one sturdy specimen. Excellent blood pressure, good reflexes, my only complaint is that I’m a little stiff in the morning.1 However, I use the same financial adviser as my mother and when I recently said to him: “I understand that I am now planning for the final third of my life,” he responded: “Based on your mother, you might be only halfway.”
But what is a cultural old lady? I attend the theater more often than I ever have, eight times so far this year — four times in the past two months. I am a docent at the American Visionary Art Museum. I took an online course in poetry. I decoupage. And I sign up for CRAFT WORKSHOPS. In October, I made my first-ever mosaic at an AVAM class.
I’m such an old lady, I’m beginning to repeat myself: I wrote a similar Substack earlier this year. #sorrynotsorry
How does one evaluate one’s singular life against the backdrop of a year that was such a spectacular shit show on a global level? As I write on student manuscripts — NARQ (Not a rhetorical question). In dreams begin responsibilities and I ask myself often how I’m going to make the world a little better. Years ago, I decided that the most meaningful philanthropy was to focus on local charities and non-profits that are important to me, so I have three set groups that I donate to — Health Care for the Homeless, Greyhound Pets of Maryland, and the Enoch Pratt Library. I have other smaller causes I try to help — neighborhood schools, friends’ charities — but keeping it small and local is my strategy for making the greatest impact. Lately, I am beginning to get solicitations for remembering nonprofits in my estate planning and I want to say — hey, I’m not that old!
But maybe I am.
Reading: This is weird, but — I didn’t really read in November, although I did a lot of re-reading. A little poetry (Frank O’Hara, Ocean Vuong) and I’ve started several novels, including Claude McKay’s Romance in Marseille, but my revision is using up all my deep focus.
Re-reading: Diary of a Mad Housewife, Sue Kaufman; Love Story, Ruth McKenney; The Loving Couple, Patrick Dennis; Waverly Place, Susan Brownmiller.
Me, me, me: Prom Mom made three best-of-2023 — NPR, PureWow, and Oline H. Cogdill’s list for the Sun-Sentinel. NPR’s Linda Holmes then expanded on her thoughts about Prom Mom on the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast. I’ve been a fan of Holmes since her TWoP days and she also happens to be a terrific novelist, so it was extra humbling to hear her incisive thoughts about what I do.
Also remember the giant table? It’s gone, thanks to the feedback I got here. Thank you all! Here’s a little pareidolia of my gratitude.
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“That’s what she said.” That’s what you get for reading my footnotes.
"par·ei·do·lia ˌper-ˌī-ˈdō-lē-ə -ˈdōl-yə : the tendency to perceive a specific, often meaningful image in a random or ambiguous visual pattern. The scientific explanation for some people is pareidolia, or the human ability to see shapes or make pictures out of randomness. Think of the Rorschach inkblot test."
What a great word! Thank you for the introduction.
I think Medicare is fab. Well, it's been good to me so far. As for growing old, I LOVE saying things like, "Well, 40 years ago . . . ."
Love your bird mosaic!